i need a place to live.

I am starting to get tired of having to retell my confusing present life situation over and over again to everyone who asks, so I figured I should write it all down.

At times I really hesitate to share some of this information. One, because it's very personal. Two, because I don't want to sound like I am complaining. But it is what it is and I am in desperate need right now of support or at least, just the ability to get all of this confusing ish out so I can sort through it and find out what I need to do.
I'm no good with being vague, so I tell it like it is.

the first part of this was written on Sunday march 28th:

I've had a very rough weekend, to put it lightly.
After weeks of worrying and wondering about it, my mom finally lost her job and now has to sell our house since we can no longer afford it, so I have to move out.
She has no idea where she is going to live, and no, I cannot live with her, so please stop asking about that. Initially I wasn't too worried about this because I was blessed and fortunate enough to be able to move in with Courtney and Jordi's family in Chula Vista, and the more I prayed and considered the ramifications of this move, the better it seemed. There was a good church community that they are involved in, (and since I currently work at a church on Sundays I do not attend a church and have no community or fellowship with any specific church, especially certain ones that to a good job of making me feel like an outcast, so I figured this was good,) and everything else just seemed right.

But this Sunday was an especially stressful day because on Saturday (march 27), my car started stalling and I had to trade it with my mom's car because it wasn't working, and I needed a car to move my stuff because she continued to stress that I needed to have my stuff packed up and moved out so she could sell the house.
That night, however, I tried to go home to sleep but my mom was out drinking with her boyfriend and I couldn't get inside because she had my house key since we traded cars.
So, since I had no place to sleep, my best friend and I stayed up in his car talking for an entire night. We spent most of it crying. It was not good. We decided to break off any potential we had for a relationship. (And yes, there was one there as most of you surmised.)
As the sun came up on Sunday I went straight to my internship feeling groggy and hungry and sad. All I had to eat was some coffee... so I felt ridiculous.
I had planned to go to the absolutely wonderful bridal shower of the amazing Alison, but as soon as I got there I got a call form Courtney saying that
the Williams got evicted from their house and had 60 days to move out. I'm sorry that I wasn't for longer, Alison! I wanted to be. Courtney is moving back in with her mom, but I don't know where I am going to go.

Anyway, it has been a few terrible weeks since that Sunday, and I have not really felt the crippling sadness that now overwhelms me until recently. I have been doing poorly in school but still I am trying to keep my head up and not let all of this suck consume me. However, I heard again today that after Jordi's family moves, I can't come with them. Initially Jordi said I could share a room with her, but I guess it's going to be more expensive if more people life there... So:
In a month I won't have a place to live. I still don't have a full time job, and I don't have money to attend college. I barely have money to keep paying for my car, so affording a large rent right now also seems near impossible.

But! I do realize that I am blessed. I know I am very blessed. I have food and water and clothing and so much stuff that I don't even know what to do with it. I even have the time and ability to do incredible things and really enjoy the beauty in life.

But even still, when I look around at my current situation, I just feel completely crippled. I am helpless and I don't know what to do. There are so many goals and dreams I have, but I fear that none of them will ever be realized.

I am trying my best to look on the bright side of things. I am trying to enjoy this most turbulent and interesting this time in my life.

But right now, I figure that my life will either continue in this horrific downward spiral until I eventually die, or things will get better.

I have faith, and I know that SOMETHING is going to happen, so I shouldn't give up just yet.
Whatever it is, bring it on.