the last day

Today is the last day of my life that I will be a teenager.

I can't even fathom everything that has happened in the span of the past year. Really. It's been crazy.

Also, this last weekend was THE BEST WEEKEND OF MY LIFE. Seriously. Well, so far!
Recording in the studio, doing Critical Mass, working at The Rescue, going to the Best Fest film festival, truly falling in love with my Creator once again were just a few of the highlights.
Check out these pictures from The Rescue ----->

I keep trying to consider everything that's happened this past year.
And I keep trying to write something that articulates how I feel about the passage of time. I don't know that I can. But time is the weirdest thing. It's not even real or tangible, but it controls our lives. It's sad to think that time is the only reason that I have some of the things that I currently have, or the reason that I lost some of the things that I used to have. I mean, what keeps me from the things that I once possessed and was unwilling to let go of? Only time.

7 years ago I was turning 13. So many things have happened since then. So much time has passed. So many people and things have came and went, and there have really only been two consistencies in my life throughout all of that time. And I can't even really say that I was one of those things.
Funny how that is.

Anyway, I have made peace with all of this, and I am excited to welcome the next year, and next decade of my life!
Time, time, time. I will defy you with my life and my love and my passion. Somehow, I will.

And tonight I'm going to a Death Cab For Cutie concert and I'm stoked!!!!

God has a lot to show me. I can hardly wait.

change is...

...a vast and complex subject matter.
Well, I could pretty much say that about anything, right?
What I mean is that I can't decide if I want to say: "change is good," or: "change is really hard and it sucks," because I'm kind of stuck in the middle of those two.

Needless to say, I have been changing a lot lately.

It's been a year since my cat ran away. Part of me still doesn't get that... in the back of my head I still expect to find him hiding somewhere. Zack was amazing and we all miss him dearly.

It's been a week since my car died, and that was... interesting. Unfortunate, yeah, but I was very blessed to have things work out the way they did. I am learning to rejoice in the midst of my trials.
On Saturday I got to talk to Jon Foreman, and then Cassandra and I accidentally went to Blacks beach. That was quite a day.
Sunday (Greek Easter) was a great day too.
Unfortunately, on Monday I realized that I had to say goodbye to one of my best friends.
It sucked. But I was hurt and I was stuck in a terrible rut. I knew that this was the best possible way out. I had to surrender; and this time, it was completely. Cutting a person out of your life is a lot more intense than deleting your facebook (which I've done), but it was necessary.
As a result of this, I have seen a strange and bright and beautiful transformation in my life and my heart.

For the past few months I sat around in frustration asking WHY? Why me? Why this?
But the past few days I have seen a new spark and a new fire inside of me. I don't ask why, for I am completely in awe and I am excited to see what unfolds.

Tomorrow will be a fun day! I am working in the recording studio with David and we will hopefully get a few tracks down. Then I have work, and then Critical Mass!

And don't forget: Saturday night is The Rescue!!! Please, please check this out and be a part of this event!

Lastly,
In one week it is my 20th birthday.
Wow. In the span of the past year, I did things I never even thought I would do in my entire life. It was beautiful and wonderful and sad and crazy. 19 was a pretty freaking amazing age for me.

I think right now, though, I'm over being a teenager.
So it's a good thing I only have a week left. :)

p.s. The five biggest things I'm obsessing about right now are:
-Jesus,
-Avocados,
-My new camera,
-Invisible Children,
-THE JONAS BROTHERS.
Heck yes. I love them.

p.p.s. I just reread this and I don't want to make it seem like this certain friend of mine I had to say goodbye to was causing grief in my life in any way. He was actually insanely amazing and has encouraged me quite a bit. But it was a close friend of his that I really needed to eliminate contact with. Sad days, I know, but welcome to life.

15 more days...

...until I reach the 20th year of my life.

The past few weeks have probably been the most interesting and high and low and insane in all of those 20 years.

Last night I spontaneously decided to skip my astronomy lab (it was raining... it's not like we could have done anything,) to go to an NA meeting.
Essentially, that changed my entire outlook on everything.
Yesterday I went downtown to volunteer. I've been working with Invisible Children a lot lately, and The Rescue is coming up, which I'm really stoked about.
Tomorrow I am not wearing shoes all day. This might become a habit, because it's awesome. But tomorrow I'm doing it for this reason.
And today, I laughed. I genuinely laughed like I have not laughed in a very long time.
It was glorious. My soul felt free once again.
And, I could blame this recent lack-of-laughter on quite a few things, but I have decided to throw those things out the window and dive even deeper into this unlimited hope and love in which I have found myself.

There is no escaping God's relentless pursuit of our souls. I might as well embrace all that he has.
I am slowly beginning to do this... after all of the pain, all of the confusion, all of the questioning, all of the frustration, all of the pointless detours; I finally am on the road again.
I know it will not be easy, but rather, it will be a slow and tedious tilling of the soil before sowing season. Before a new period of growth, before a new abundant harvest.

Now, I say this for no one but myself: I'm excited to see what happens.

Psalm 31

O Lord, I have come to you for protection;
don’t let me be disgraced.
Save me, for you do what is right.
Bend your ear down to listen to me;
rescue me quickly.
Be my rock of protection,
a fortress where I will be safe.
You are my rock and my fortress.
For your name's sake, lead me out of this danger.
Pull me from the trap my enemies set for me,
for I find protection in you alone.
I trust my spirit in your hand.
Rescue me, Lord, for you are faithful.

I hate those who worship worthless idols.
I trust in you.
I will be glad and rejoice in your unfailing love,
for you have seen my troubles,
and you care about the anguish of my soul.
You have not handed me over to my enemies
but have set me in a safe place.

Have mercy on me, Lord, for I am in distress.
Tears blur my eyes.
My body and soul are withering away.
I am dying from grief;
my years are shortened by sadness.
Sin has drained my strength;
I am wasting away from within.
I am scorned by all my enemies
and despised by my neighbors—
even my friends are afraid to come near me.
When they see me on the street,
they run the other way.
I am ignored as if I were dead,
as if I were a broken pot.
I have heard the many rumors about me,
and I am surrounded by terror.
My enemies conspire against me,
plotting to take my life.

But I am trusting you, O Lord,
saying, “You are my God!”
My future is in your hands.
Rescue me from those who hunt me down relentlessly.
Let your favor shine on your servant.
In your unfailing love, rescue me.
Don’t let me be disgraced, O Lord,
for I call out to you for help.
Let the wicked be disgraced;
let them lie silent in the grave.
How great is the goodness
you have stored up for those who fear you.
You lavish it on those who come to you for protection,
blessing them before the watching world.
You hide them in the shelter of your presence,
safe from those who conspire against them.
You shelter them in your presence,
far from accusing tongues.

Praise the Lord,
for he has shown me the wonders of his unfailing love.
He kept me safe when my life was under attack.
In panic I cried out,
“I am cut off from the Lord!”
But you heard my cry for mercy
and answered my call for help.

Love the Lord, all you godly ones!
For the Lord protects those who are loyal to him,
but he harshly punishes the arrogant.
So be strong and courageous,
all you who put your hope in God!

I don't think that a psalm has ever been more applicable to my life.

Would I even like this Jesus?

The following is a conversation that took place in late Febuary between Eric Snyder and I.
I was going to reformat it into story form, but that would take away from the 21st Century essence of the conversation, of which we are all so familiar. A few things were edited for spelling and grammar, but this is essentially exactly what was said.
Eric's words reprinted and edited with permission.

10:26PM
Eric: I've been thinking a lot about what it means to be human.
Well, at least right now i have. And is making the world a better place one of the things we are called to do?
morgan: yes! of course!
Eric: I would say that the world is affected by what we are supposed to do, but not the purpose.
morgan: God would not call us to make the world a worse place
As we often do out of our selfishness and ignorance and greed.
Eric: is that your left-wing hippie side talking?
well, that is true. I know that.
yeah
idk
im an idiot
i love the old testament
in deuteronomy!!! Care for the alien, the orphan, and the widow.
shit, son
wow, ha ha
swearing so soon after quoting the bible isn't a good plan.
morgan: hahah
Well, it depends, I think.
If it makes Jesus real and relatable, maybe it is.
Eric: huh?
swearing?
really?
I would say that swearing doesn't really live up who Jesus is
morgan: yeah
Eric: but it doesn't really lower Him down either. It all depends.
morgan: Lately I have been kind of obsessed with Jesus. And like, wondering what he would do if he was here right now. OK, specifically the idea of how he is real and where he is in the world...
It's hard to explain I guess.
Well, I've known Jesus for a long time, and "seen" him in many ways, but, like, I look around and I see the world and modern life and a big city and a street full cars and of stuff and of lonely, empty people all trying to figure themselves out, and I see music and media and television and advertisements and corporate slogans and all of this crazy stuff everywhere.
And where is God in all of this?
How is He real?
I think that anything that manages to bring Jesus to these big and busy crowded and empty places is a worthy thing.
I have a lot of trouble when I see cheesy people who seemingly live under a rock and have no sense of culture try to preach to people who are absorbed by media and modern culture.
Eric: I have thought about that too.
sad excuse for an evangelical.
morgan: If someone on the street handed me a cheesy-looking little rainbow paper that said "jesus loves you!!!" I don't think I would care except for the fact that I know Jesus already. But like, I think a lot of the things that "the church" does are very unappealing.
Like www.cbn.com for example.
It may claim to represent Christ, but I think it's complete crap.
Maybe their intentions are pure; but me--a young, modern, news-seeking individual--would never get news from that source.
It's just pathetic.
Jesus would watch CNN.
But at the same time He would be Jesus.
Eric: not being of the world is taken out of context?
morgan: What do you mean?
Eric: Well, like weird christians, who justify it by "not being of the world"
in and not of.
morgan: Oh, well, they are forgetting the in part
you have to be in an not of
not out and not of
Because then you might as well live in space and not interact with the world at all if you are going to be like that.
Eric: Yeah, i guess.
I don't know.
I agree, what would Jesus be like?
Would I even like this Jesus?
morgan: hahah
Eric: I'm serious.
morgan: Supposedly you love him.
Eric: I don't think I would.
I barely look at homeless people, and Jesus would be there with them. Talking to them, hanging out with them.
I love Jesus, now that I know who he is. If I didn't know that He was who He said He was then I would think he was crazy.
morgan: Goodness, do you have the song, "When I look at the World" by U2?
That song describes Jesus so perfectly to me.
Eric: listening...

What do you think?

my time spent in nor cal

...was absolutely amazing!

I stayed at Berkley, I took BART and the bus to Santa Cruz and spent a beautiful day on the beach with Kara and Kris, and I explored downtown SF with the fantastical Imogen. The Bay Area is so wonderful!

best flight of my life

fisherman's warf

amoeba records: berkeley

santa cruz

imogen <3

Thanks, norcalians.