confession, value

so, today was a weird day. Honestly, it was not a very good one.
But, tonight I went to Flood, and I am very glad that I did. It was rather serendipitous actually. It turned my whole day around for sure.

I want to try to explain this.
It might not make sense, but I'll try to keep the story simple.
The theme of the message at Flood was this:

Confession: to openly acknowledge what is true.
The speaker talked of the importance of confession. To God, to ourselves, and to others.

So here, a confession:
I for the past few days I have not been wearing a seat belt.
This is because I no longer valued my life.

I no longer valued my life probably due to a few things, one of which can only be the enemy, and another being that I feel like I am stacked up against something impossible, and who am I, as a worthless little nothing, to do anything about it?
I felt terrible, I felt trapped, I felt useless and pointless and unloved and uncared for. I wanted to escape from my life in any way possible, though I didn't know how.

Well anyway, as I drove home, I reflected upon how I was in a much better mood than I was before I went to Flood, and how I was so glad I could meet up with some of my amazing friends and laugh and talk things through. It is really strange and wonderful how people can turn your day (and subsequently your life) around like that.

I also asked myself some serious questions, and I listened to some beautiful and poignant music that I had not listened to in a rather long time.
(I will not tell you what music it was because that's not really the point and I don't want you to dwell on that or be distracted by it.)
As I drove through the darkness, this music took me over and I began to feel a strong wave of emotions washing over me.

It brought back a lot of specific memories, and it rekindled a lot of feelings that I had been running from for a long time, though I didn't really know how true this was this until I actually felt them.
It saddens me to think that I have been running from these things for so long. And to know that you have been running from them too.

In that moment, tears streamed down my face, and the sound that filled my ears danced in time with the song in my soul, and again they spoke together, as they once did, as I know they will again.

I looked through the cracked windshield at the clamoring world around me; the blur of lights, the city night.
I felt the seat belt of my car hugging me tightly, holding me firmly in place.

A sense of knowing came over me. I knew that God was saying: The world may be rushing all around you, but right now, right here, you are held tightly and safely and I'm not letting you go. You may not always think of yourself as valuable, but I know exactly how valuable you are.

I felt like some old antique appraised at an antiques roadshow; I at first looked like some old junk, but I was later discovered to be priceless beyond measure.

And though I know that things will still be difficult, I will wear my seat belt from now on, and I will stop thinking so much of how to escape, because obviously God isn't going to let me go.

So, yeah. Please don't make my mistake and forget how valuable you are, and make sure to openly acknowledge what is true as often as you can, because Confession can be a powerful and freeing thing.

Oh, and there's something else, but I'll save that for another time. ;)