If this church represents the hands and feet of Jesus, then I have learned that Jesus is rich, spoiled, cliquey, persnickety, and exclusive; friendly, but only superficially and only on Sundays.
I attended this church for years and attempted to invest in people and into new friendships and relationships but felt so turned away and abandoned by so many who probably simply forgot that I exist. The only friends I have who attend(ed) there were my friends before I ever attended, the people who invited me in the first place. Sure, lots of us are friends on facebook, but are we really friends? Am I getting the love that I need through relationship, am I even allowed to give any?
I have offered multiple times to help with various ministries at this church, but each and every time I have been turned away because certain areas were “too full” or they “didn’t need me.” When I left the church, not once did anyone ask where I went.
I saw a therapist for months because I knew that somehow it must be my fault that no one at this church seemed to notice or really care about me… he told me that there was nothing wrong on my part, other than I didn’t realize that some people don’t really care, and that I can’t change them.
Now, I am not attempting to selfishly complain because MY needs were not met, I am simply stating that after years of trying, after quietly, patiently praying that people would notice me, let me in, return my calls with messages other than “sorry I’ve been busy”, I am giving up. And I am really sorry that it had to happen this way.
So to everyone there, if you are genuinely my friend (and I’m sure you know who you are, because we actually spend time together) you are amazing and I am eternally grateful for you. To everyone else, please notice the impact your negligence has had on my heart.
I would still love to be your friend, and I realize how insanely busy everyone’s schedule can be (which is why I gave everyone the benefit of the doubt for so long), but I would still love to to go to cool bible studies with you, to go out to eat and get coffee and hear your life stories and encourage you, pray with you when you need it, etc.
But this message is to let everyone know that I have stopped trying because my efforts thus far have been utterly fruitless.
I have felt welcomed and comforted in the company of agnostics and atheists more than I have ever felt love in this white-washed church.
Merry Christmas.
1 year ago
6 comments:
I totally know how you feel, and I'm sorry that things are the way they are. I think that this is more of a wide-spread issue with churches in general (excluding a precious few), because I've experienced it in Santa Barbara as well. Maybe the exclusivity has a lot to do with evangelical culture in SoCal.
Rejection is not fun. =/ It's hard for me to go to church at all these days because of all the negative memories. I've kind of found refuge in Episcopalian services, maybe because the expectation for congregational intimacy isn't there in the first place. Though that's no solution. Anyway, I feel for you.
Oh, Morgan, that's awful!
Clearly that church is not operating the way a Biblical church should. After all, Christians should be know by their love and when love is absent it's a sign of spiritual sickness.
I hope you can find somewhere healthier to attend and recoup. You're always welcome to stop by University Christian Church if you're in the area. It is by no means perfect, but the people there are incredibly welcoming and caring.
Your feelings are completely valid, however your judgement of these people is not
Everyone battles wanting acceptance, love and validation from others, but as much as we may feel rejected by their seeming "self focus", at the same time we must realize we are doing the exact same thing. Choosing to place the responsibility on them
To reach out because we are too shy/depressed/lonely/tired of trying. Maybe they are
Going through that too. I can Guarentee they probably are. But your harsh critical judgement of them is no more saintly than any rejection of overlooking of you they have done. Compassion is a much better instrument than bitterness.
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