To everyone at LifeBridge church:

If this church represents the hands and feet of Jesus, then I have learned that Jesus is rich, spoiled, cliquey, persnickety, and exclusive; friendly, but only superficially and only on Sundays.

I attended this church for years and attempted to invest in people and into new friendships and relationships but felt so turned away and abandoned by so many who probably simply forgot that I exist. The only friends I have who attend(ed) there were my friends before I ever attended, the people who invited me in the first place. Sure, lots of us are friends on facebook, but are we really friends? Am I getting the love that I need through relationship, am I even allowed to give any?
I have offered multiple times to help with various ministries at this church, but each and every time I have been turned away because certain areas were “too full” or they “didn’t need me.” When I left the church, not once did anyone ask where I went.

I saw a therapist for months because I knew that somehow it must be my fault that no one at this church seemed to notice or really care about me… he told me that there was nothing wrong on my part, other than I didn’t realize that some people don’t really care, and that I can’t change them.
Now, I am not attempting to selfishly complain because MY needs were not met, I am simply stating that after years of trying, after quietly, patiently praying that people would notice me, let me in, return my calls with messages other than “sorry I’ve been busy”, I am giving up. And I am really sorry that it had to happen this way.

So to everyone there, if you are genuinely my friend (and I’m sure you know who you are, because we actually spend time together) you are amazing and I am eternally grateful for you. To everyone else, please notice the impact your negligence has had on my heart.

I would still love to be your friend, and I realize how insanely busy everyone’s schedule can be (which is why I gave everyone the benefit of the doubt for so long), but I would still love to to go to cool bible studies with you, to go out to eat and get coffee and hear your life stories and encourage you, pray with you when you need it, etc.
But this message is to let everyone know that I have stopped trying because my efforts thus far have been utterly fruitless.

I have felt welcomed and comforted in the company of agnostics and atheists more than I have ever felt love in this white-washed church.

Merry Christmas.

‎"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around." - Leo Buscagli

Home Sweet Home

I live in a house with 64 people.

Sometimes more, sometimes less.

There are:

50 roadies (the rest are interns)

6 Canadians

2 brothers

2 Morgans

5 refrigerators

4 bathrooms

one attic

two cupboards-under-the-stairs

two "harry potters" (who live in those cupboards)

one machete in the hall closet

one giant cockroach named Rickey

10 musical instruments of mine which are kept in the basement

9 couches

39 cups and mugs

No cable

5 massive vans (you know, those vans)

"enough knives to arm the neighborhood"

1001 laughs

4000 Questions for Getting to Know Anyone and Everyone

ten thousand reasons to rejoice

A million stories

64 distinct and wonderful personalities

A house full of people who love switchfoot. (My dream come true, right?)

64 hearts that, in one way or another love Africa and have minds made up to change the world.

The Roadie house is one of a kind.

(Did I mention there is a basement? Isn't that weird?)

Are you ready?

this is your life.

whoa

October 22, 2010 has snuck up and pounced upon me like this awesome tiger upon this frightened man:


I have not posted (here) in a long while!
I've got some catching up to do.

But time is merciless!
Time will continue on, against my will and thoughts and work and tireless valiant efforts to slow it down (or even to speed it up on occasion).

Time is like the clinging monkey on the back of this rather angry parrot,

or like this vulture's vicious attack upon an unsuspecting jackal:
Time still marches, marches violently, silently onward!

a englilish poem

The Chaos

Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.

Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it's written.)
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.

Hear me say, devoid of trickery,
Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,
Exiles, similes, and reviles;
Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
Solar, mica, war and far;
One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
Gertrude, German, wind and mind,
Scene, Melpomene, mankind.

Billet does not rhyme with ballet,
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would.
Viscous, viscount, load and broad,
Toward, to forward, to reward.
And your pronunciation's OK
When you correctly say croquet,
Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive and live.

Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
And enamour rhyme with hammer.
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
Doll and roll and some and home.
Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangour.
Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,
Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,
And then singer, ginger, linger,
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.

Query does not rhyme with very,
Nor does fury sound like bury.
Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.
Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.
Though the differences seem little,
We say actual but victual.
Refer does not rhyme with deafer.
Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Mint, pint, senate and sedate;
Dull, bull, and George ate late.
Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific.

Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.
We say hallowed, but allowed,
People, leopard, towed, but vowed.
Mark the differences, moreover,
Between mover, cover, clover;
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Chalice, but police and lice;
Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label.

Petal, panel, and canal,
Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor.
Tour, but our and succour, four.
Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
Sea, idea, Korea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.

Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion and battalion.
Sally with ally, yea, ye,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.
Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
Heron, granary, canary.
Crevice and device and aerie.

Face, but preface, not efface.
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.
Ear, but earn and wear and tear
Do not rhyme with here but ere.
Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,
Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,
Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.

Pronunciation -- think of Psyche!
Is a paling stout and spikey?
Won't it make you lose your wits,
Writing groats and saying grits?
It's a dark abyss or tunnel:
Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
Islington and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict and indict.

Finally, which rhymes with enough --
Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
Hiccough has the sound of cup.
My advice is to give up!!!

- Charivarius (G. Nolst Trenité)

Two quotes I have memorized, and that I will unconditionally love forever.

Jon Foreman:

"I yearn to live and love and burn, and yet so much of my time is spent faking and forgetting, faking and forgetting... I carry out my disbelief with uninspired hands, my eyes shut, my emotions dulled, my spirit numb. It is in times like these I am in desperate need of truth to come to me like a blinding light, like a splinter in my soul, reminding me of the brevity of my time here on earth."

&

Jack Kerouack (from On the Road):

"But then they danced down the street like dingledodies, and I shambled after as I've been doing all my life after people who interest me, because the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!"

i am a child no longer - but this is still me.

“Millions of children—one in five—have what psychologist Lucy Jo Palladino, Ph.D., calls the Edison trait: dazzling intelligence, an active imagination, a free-spirited approach to life, and the ability to drive everyone around them crazy. They have the raw talent to succeed in our fast-paced, information-rich, techno-magic world. But, unbridled, their talent also brings conflict into their lives. Edison-trait kids excel at thinking divergently, brimming over with one idea after the other. However, schools, organized activities, and routines of daily living reward convergent thinking, which seeks to focus on one idea at a time. Parents and teachers get frustrated by the Edison-trait child’s apparent intractability and lack of focus. A mismatch between school and child can mask the child’s considerable gifts for creativity and independent thinking.”

from: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ISBN=0812927370/borntoexplotheotA/